Hogs Trip 2022

Yet another trip south.

I have been riding with this group since 2009 and this year will be my thirteenth trip with then.

Six to eight riders. Approx five with Harleys and two with Hondas.

 Already we have had two of the regular riders cancel out. Dudley and the Kid.

Here is the current plan.

Day 1: 5th August: Syracuse New York to State College Pennsylvania

Day 2: 6^th August: Luray, Virginia – 235 miles (378 kilometers)

Day 3: 7^th August: Galax, Virginia - 237 (381 kilometers)

Day 4: 8^th August: Gatlinburg, Tennessee - 315 (507 kilometers)

Day 5: 9^th August: Gatlinburg, Tennessee - 200 (322 kilometers)

Day 6: 10^th August: Campton, Kentucky - 200 (322 kilometers)

Day 7: 11^th August: Clarksburg, West Virginia - 278 (447 kilometers)

Day 8: 12^th August: Mansfield, Pennsylvania - 322 (518 kilometers)

Day 9:  8^th 13^th August: Home, Syracuse, New York - 127 (204 kilometers)

Total estimated miles: 2,039 (3,282 kilometers)

Appalachian Mountain chain. Great Smokey Mountains National Park North Carolina, Tennessee. Blue Ridge Mountains.

We also plan to run the zip line at Red River Gorge in Kentucky which has five lines ranging from 400 ft to over 1,900 feet in length.

Day 1. Friday 8/5/22 287miles from home to State College Pennsylvania. Home to The well known Penn State University. 98,783 students.

The day started off well with at 8am with a short forty minute ride to Auburn NY to meet Bobby. A cup of coffee and we started our bikes. Well at least mine did. Bobby’s battery was dead. He has had several batteries in the last few years which is more than normal. Whilst Bobby took apart his bike ready to fit a new battery, I rode to fetch him a new one up the road. After some time of fiddling around it started and we rode to a Harley dealer fifty miles away to have his bike checked over. The thought was it was an issue with his alternator but after an hour it all checked out and we headed off. We were supposed to meet the other four riders in our group from Buffalo NY for lunch but headed straight to our destination. Wet weather gear was donned and we rode through several storms and finally reached State College about six o’clock. The bad news was that Bobby’s engine light came on just as we entered town so it will be another drama in the morning to find out what has caused it.

 We had a great dinner and I was starving seeing as I had no food for the entire day due to delays. I set up the waitress to ask “Mr UHaul” what bobby’s order was at dinner. Regular readers will recall that Bobby on one trip blew his engine and had to rent a UHaul to get home. It’s a regular line and never gets tired. (except to him) He told the waitress that he was paying the bill and her tip was now zero. Very funny. But you had to be there.

Day two. Saturday 6th August 2022

233 miles to From State College to Big Meadows Lodge, Shenandoah National Park. Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains. 

Not a lot to report. Rain for the last hour of the ride and very hot and humid the rest of the way. Skyline Drive is over a hundred miles long from the start of the park to the end. Skyline drive runs right through the national forest and the Big Meadows lodge is right in the middle. The lodge is fifty miles into the park. The road is amazing. A winding, beautiful two-lane road with a speed limit of 35 miles per hour. There is lots of pull offs for views. The park and lodge were built in the 1930s. Very old world with cabin type accommodation with plumbing that hardly worked. 

Day three. Sunday 7th August 2022

276 miles to Big Meadows to Galax Virginia. 

I awoke at 6am to find three deer standing out the door. I walked past them and they didn't even move. There also was a skunk but luckily it ran off. We started at the crack of noon once again. 

We finished most of Skyline drive and then road some back roads and small highways. My bike managed 43 miles per gallon today. My average is around 40 so I was pleased. Gas is cheaper here. Premium at home is $5.50 per American gallon and today I paid $4.74.

Great ride with no rain. Bloody hot and humid but no rain. One of the guys said it was ninety two degrees. The last hour was under cloud cover and very high so it was a nice time. 

No break downs and no visits to the Harley dealers for repairs. Who could ask for anything more.

Several years ago we stopped at exactly the same location. One of the guys said "Look. Tugs accommodation for the trip". He was referring to some of the lower value accommodation I booked for our Nova Scotia.  The building still stands but in even worse repair,

Day four. Monday 8th August 2022

282 miles Galax Virginia to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. 

We left early. 9am. It might not seem early to everyone, well anyone, but for this group it was early. Mainly highway miles with the last sixty miles on the smokey mountains parkway. A little bit of rain but just enough to get wet. Whilst were at lunch it poured but by the time we finished it had stopped. We put on our wet weather gear on and it was hot and humid like a steam bath but after little bit of rain we cooled down.

We met an old time Hog, Mike Wilson in Gatlinburg. He had ridden up from Jacksonville Florida. Mike had not ridden with us for five years and was even thinking of selling his bike which he had not ridden for a year. Mike who lived in Syracuse and was a neighbor up the street from where we lived is the one who got me interested in riding again and put most of the chrome on my bike.

A simple dinner with the waitress asking "Mr UHaul" what he wanted for dinner. I still think its funny. Deep down I think he appreciates the attention. 

In between drinks I did my washing because some of the clothes were wet and its nice to get things done. I had woken at 4am and decided not to go back to bed and wake my roommate so it was a long day. 

Sitting around. We watched a black bear down the hill open a truck door and climb in to search for food. After a rumage he left and he did not close the door.

Day Five. Tuesday 9th August 2022

43 miles around Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

We awoke to the prospect of rain in the afternoon so it was agreed we would have a short ride up north for twenty odd miles to a famous gun store called Buds in Sevierville Tennessee. It was huge with thousands of guns and loads of ammunition. The photos do not do it justice.

Up the road was a huge knife shop called Knife works so up we treckked. Thousands of every type of knife and more.

 

We returned to the hotel and naturally it did not rain all afternoon except for a sprinkle but we had a nice lunch and relaxed. At night we went to a restaurant downtown by bus and Ubered home..

After dinner we sat outside and all of a sudden a mother bear and three cubs raced across the lawn next to us. They were travelling pretty fast so one of the guys shot this quick picture to prove we were not lying. After four days riding it was nice to relax a little. We stayed in the hotel for two days so it was nice not having to pack and unpack.

Day Six. Wednesday 10th August 2022

219 miles to Gatlinburg Tennessee to Campton, Kentucky.

Up early at 5am. I'm an early bird. I wake up and I should go back to sleep but I find the first few hours of the day great. I plan the day ahead, write the blog, clean the bike of bugs, shower, dress and be ready for the road. Trouble is then I have to wait for the others but I would rather wait than be late.

Today we had to be at the Red River Zipline at 4pm so we headed off at an unprecedented time of 8.30am. We had done over sixty miles before the time we normally would leave the hotel. We expected rain the whole day but it never happened until ten minutes before our new time of 1pm. We made such great time I arranged the time for the zip line to 1pm. At ten to one it poured down and we hid under the awning of a gas station and I called the zip line place to see if we could delay the start. They said if we were not there at one pm we would have to come back at original time of 4pm. We raced the last ten miles and arrived at about 1:10pm. I spoke to the manager and spun a story of traveling all this way just to run the zip. He finally relented and we were set to go. We were supposed to do the zip a few years back but it was cancelled because of lightning so here was out big chance.

There were four zip lines progressively longer and faster. It rained for the first two and the we could hear lightning all around us. They wanted to cancel the last two longer lines and let us do the two shorter ones but he weather improved and we did the final two. We did not take a camera so I have chosen some stock shots off the zip lines' website.

We had five tickets and six riders but the Deak volunteered to stay at the start for the whole hour it takes to ride all three. They say with a party of twelve it can take up to two hours with all the hooking and unhooking but we were fast

After we finished we rode to the hotel at three thirty. The earliest arrival time ever. We rode the two miles into town for an early dinner but it was welcomed considering we had no breakfast or lunch to save time. Great meal but we rode back to the hotel in pouring rain and then sat around with the guys drinking bourbon and smoking cigars. Tomorrow the weather looks good and so does the ride to home over the next three days.

Day Seven. Thursday 11th August 2022

311 miles Campton Kentucky to Clarksburg West Virginia. 

Not a lot to report. Great roads through Kentucky and Ohio but terrible once you were in West Virginia. Speeds varied from twenty five miles per hour through small towns to eighty five on main highways. Great weather all the way with storm clouds in the distance. Steve Schumer (alias the Deacon) was the lead rider on his Honda Goldwing. An amazing, powerful bike. No issues with directions and he chose some great roads away from highways. Steve planned the whole trip and everything is great including hotels and most food. We had pizza and wings at the hotel. Everyone seems tired tonight. No breakdowns or problems. Light traffic with few trucks.

Day Eight. Thursday 11th August 2022

355 miles from Clarksburg West Virginia to Mansfield, Pennsylvania. 

Heavy rain overnight caused my speedo/tacho/info dial to mist over inside and made it almost impossible to see my data such as miles to empty, time, miles covered. I was running low on gas but only had a rough idea by how much. Over the day it dried out but was a pain.

No rain but cooler that previous days. Speed limit was seventy five for most of the journey. The lead rider is in charge of planning the ride, navigating, speed and overtaking when needed, The rest of the group ride staggered and basically do nothing but keep an eye out for items on the road such as squashed animals and car parts. The last rider (me) looks out for cars merging, cars getting too close or cars trying to overtake up the right lane when we are in the left overtaking.

With six or seven riders we spread out and leave plenty of space but we get what I call the "concertina" effect. The front bike sits on a fairly constant speed but each rider can drop back and then speed up during a stretch of road. This can give a ten to fifteen miles an hour change at the rear. The front bikes sits on seventy but my bike can get to eighty or eighty five to catch up.

The weather was getting cooler. Tomorrow morning will be forty seven with a high of seventy eight. Bobby, who hates the cold, will rug up and turn on his heated seat and grips.  

Day Nine. Saturday 13th August 2022

 140 miles from Mansfield Pennsylvania to Syracuse home. 

Short haul and home by 1pm. The Buffalo boys headed off this morning.

Went through a town called Utica just south of Syracuse. Some very bad roads and hundreds of traffic lights. The Mayor's brother must have been the traffic lights' installer.

Statistics:

Total 2,146 miles
262 Average per day (not include 43 miler day) 8 days Riding
Longest day 311 miles
Shortest day 219 miles (not including 43 miler and last day)
12 gas (petrol) fills
47.37 gallons premium
Highest cost $5.05 per gallon
Lowest cost $4.00 per gallon
Total cost of gas$/petrol $212.20

Pre-Ride banter

Fastest gas tank filler – current champion: Dudley

Fastest to do up his seat belt – current champion: Bobby

Fastest to get admiring glances – current champion: Tug

Fastest to fall asleep in front of fire – current champion: Dilli

Fastest Honda tape applicator – current champion: Equally between Deak and Dilli

Fastest to speed dial to UKnown company: current champion and undisputed solo entrant: Bobby

Fastest telephoner to his standby mechanic – current champion: Dilli

Fastest to call a pee stop - Current champion Rage (Closely followed by Tug)

Fastest fetcher of two dozen bud lights – current champion and undisputed leader: Mike

Fastest user of the term “ish” - current champion: Bobby closely followed by Mike.

Fastest user of hand’s free - current champion Dudley

 

Tomorrow is someone’s birthday. It will be hard to work out who but here are a few hints:

Has worn a seat belt more times than anyone else on our trips (not counting Uber trips.)

Chose Waffle House and country kitchen eating establishments

Had more changes of new bikes then Rage has underpants

Rides less miles on three bikes combined than anyone else with one

Renowned for off road adventures (No – not Mike getting beer)

Second best mechanic (after Mary)

Stops for friends - but in the distance

Famous for use of the term "ish" at every morning departure

Loves special decorated bedrooms

Eats like a sparrow

Changes bikes before the tires wear out

Most appreciated for planning, leading and expense rationalization.

Discussion was held on who had the fasted bike. Tug wrote “On the bike issue we should race the kid on his bike and Bobby on his Ducati to see who can stop”

I'm already using depends, That way I can set up the beer cooler on the patio and don't have to move. - Rage

For a bike that looks great (particularly the white part) but will only go ten miles every second year it seems like a lot of work. Why not work on the Ducati. It does twenty miles a year.  - Tug

 And what about the old drum brakes?  Dilli ask your wife if she thinks Bobby should change them to disc? - Bobby

 To Dilli – I’m putting electronic ignition in the old Triumph and had to remove primary cover.   Gasket was baked on pretty good.  Would you please ask Mary what to use to remove old gasket?  Thanks.   = Bobby

 Met an Australian guy driving a UHaul and hauling a car from Vancouver to Novas Scotia. I gave him Bobbie's phone number for some tips seeing Bobbie is the UHaul expert. - Tug

 Maybe when I'm done I'll come wrench with you.  - Bobby    Fixing brakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Tug

 Dillie - give the Deak's sister in-law a call. She can look up the internet then fix it with some Honda tape. It won't last long. Just enough to get you home. - Tug

 When I hear Australian all I hear is "blah blah blah fresh fish blah blah blah white bikes aren't gay blah blah blah Worcestershire blah blah blah sheep are sexy blah blah blah" - Mike

 On the bright side, you're still not as close to the box as Tug. - Bobby

Only 96 days to go.

1. Remember registrations

2. Inspection if applicable.

4. Annual maintenance (Dillie's wife needs prior notice )

5. Repair brakes and other recalls

6. Get written permission from wives, partners or boyfriends

7. Stock up on Honda tape now in case there is a shortage.

8. Practice on hills if you have not ridden a hill in the last twelve months.

9. Practice filling your bike with gas if you have had issues before. (Shahin will supervise the anonymous rider concerned. )

10.  Buy shorter cigars for those long haul days.

11.  Buy an alarm clock for those early starts (whom are I kidding?)

Guess whose birthday it is today, A few hints.

      1     Always carries three rolls of Honda tape in his saddle bags

      2     Is the most relaxed rider in the gang.

      3     Married to a fridge and bike mechanic

      4     Smells of fish. (Not Snapper)

      5     Falls asleep in front of fires.

      6     Works part time as Santa

      7     Has a ride-on-mower faster than his bike

 

About Nova Scotia

As we rode onto the reservation on a cloudless day and it was almost one hundred degrees, a young native girl appeared and she was smoking hot with a tight low cut leather dress, long black hair and holding a pair of fluffy handcuffs. She was told to look out for the handsome man who was Australian and riding the best looking bike in the group. She replied “That makes him even more sexy”

 I have been consulting my attorney for a case of cruelty, targeted foul language (even if disguised) bias towards a minority, unfair blockage from membership, forced participation with two certain second rate equipment users, excessive drinking, smoking and more to follow.

What states are we riding through to eat at Waffle House?  - Dudley 

The state of confusion, the state of disbelief, the state of ecstasy, for starters - Deak

Other questions:  is

Is Dilli's fridge still working?

Did Dudley learn to pump gas?

Did Bobby stop snoring?

Did Rage get anything else replaced?

Did Mike say “back in ten minutes”?

Did Deak learn to keep his bike up?

 

On the next ride we should have Bobby give a lecture on "political correctness for fun and pleasure."  Compulsory attendance by Dudly. Back up speech by Deak. Dilli will have to stay awake during it. Rage will not be able to walk out when he disagrees. The kid will have to have the bike fixed before the Lecture.   - Tug

Finally an honest observation. Thanks Mike.  This event was passed off as a "helpful incident" where the perpetrator was helping me by finding my "lost" brand new and greatly treasured phone and was going to return it in the parking lot before we left the restaurant but "forgot". We now have and honest and upstanding witness who has testified it was in fact stolen. The funny part was calling the thief and asking where he was currently located. He provided the name of a different town to the location app on my iPad. He then called me back on my own phone. Justice at last. Protect your daughters and sons (and sheep) from this heinous individual.  

I was contemplating life and I want you to tell me when the upcoming trip became a reality. Today I polished my boots and it dawned on me. It was not preparing my packing list, writing up the blog or even washing the bike. It was the boots. When did it or will it dawn on you?  

1. Ordering the new rain suit?

2. Loading the bike with Honda tape?

3.  Having Mary check tire pressure and oil level?

4. Seeing your doctor to see if you can ride?

5.  Having your wife move the lawn mower out of the way to get your bike out (because you don't know how to start it)?

6. Taking your bike down to the Cathedral to have it blessed?

I forgot three other realization triggers that we are riding. 

7. Riding down the long driveway and doubling your milage for the year. 

8.  Looking up the UHaul directory for outlets along the route 

9. Looking up Waffle House locations. 

 On Road Quotes 

"I have to slow down. I need to start drinking more hard liquor" - Dillie

"Even the old guy did the zip line" - Dillie to Mary

"Is 80 too fast" - Deak    "Not when your doing 95" - Tug

 "I need a new jacket" - Bobby (after seeing a high Vis jacket)

 "I need a pee" - Rage (often)

 "Why does everyone pick on poor Tug" - no one

"I need just one more sip" - Bobby on first night

 "Do you need to take so long" Deke at the gas stop. "Yes - I have taken so long 376 times" - Tug  "Why not just take a photo" - Deke 

"Let’s do a gas and go" - Bobby (Said twice in hundreds of gas stops)

"I need new tires, maybe I'll just get a new bike" Not said by Bobbie but is funny

"Tug you do nothing - now you can" Bobby (on me ringing the zip line for a delay)

"Rage is in charge of food and peeing, Bobby is charge of trip direction, Deke is in charge of safety and censorship. Dillie is in charge of Mary, the planner is in charge of route and hotel locations what can I do? "Ring the zip" - Bobby

 "I want to get home for the wedding - just at the right time - early enough to appear helpful but late enough to do nothing" - Bobby

 "Yes - I sank a snow mobile in the lake" - Dillie